I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
