No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When did angry sex become our thing?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I party with great urgency now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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