you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
