She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
