Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
