Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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