my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
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I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
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Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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