Just cropdusted the office
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
