His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
