I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize