nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
