I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
