Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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