hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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