No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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