i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
