A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
