Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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