i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just google imaged poop.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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