The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
