No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
