she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
