I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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