Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
