whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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