I am puke
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
