You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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