she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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