apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
