I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Randomize
