I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
