The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
