I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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