her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
