I am in a vortex of obligation.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
