That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize