saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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