I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i believe in u and ur pee
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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