The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
