She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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