HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
