saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
