I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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