Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
