I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
