No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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