dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
