I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
