At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
