I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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