just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
