He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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