It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
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How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
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That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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