his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
