she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
