your room smells of hookers.
And success
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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