My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
