I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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