I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
