mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
