somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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