they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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