**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
