Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
