I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
