You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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