jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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