His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
